


Wrap That Nihilism Up In Duct Tape

by QueenGravity



Category: Devil May Cry
Genre: Angst and Humor, Best Friends, Blood and Injury, Comfort/Angst, Friendship, Gen, Near Death, Nihilism, dante isn't used to handling emergencies where his best friend is dying, if it weren't for the fact that i wrote lady as a lesbian, you could read this as dante/lady
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-23
Updated: 2019-05-23
Packaged: 2020-03-13 04:41:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18933610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenGravity/pseuds/QueenGravity
Summary: Dante has a hard time keeping up the spirit of Smoking Sexy Style as his best friend is dying.Lady has a hard time feeling distraught when she's dying in her best friend's arms.Set 1 year after Devil May Cry 3





	Wrap That Nihilism Up In Duct Tape

Lodging Rebellion into the demon's head, Dante jumped into the air, using the counterweight to slice the head open. With the momentum he did a flip and a twist, a spray of blood surrounding him. He stuck the landing perfectly and turned on his heel to see his work. The giant canine demon was frozen in place as blood rained down from its forehead. Its mouth was agape and eyes wide, the feral expression fading. Tension in its nerves released and it collapsed on the ground with a boom. Cuts littered its body, all shallow and taunting.

 

Finally Dante got to fight a big demon in a big space. When the ballroom was a field out in the farmlands, one could have a proper dance. Two canine demons had been terrorizing farms, eating both cattle and humans. The only reason Dante accepted the job was because he knew he wouldn’t have to worry about collateral damage. Speaking of the second demon; Dante looked beyond the corpse.

 

Sure enough, the other demon laid limp on the ground. Several parts of its flesh had been blown apart and there was a neat stab wound right through its eye. Lady had had some fun as well.

 

She was walking towards Dante- no. She was limping- not that either. She was dragging her feet. Her blood-soaked feet, and blood-soaked legs, thighs, shorts and stomach. Kalina Ann was hanging on the edge of her shoulder as Lady’s two hands clutched her abdomen. When the thrill of the battle left Dante’s ears, he heard her panting, or, it was more like wheezing.

 

¨Dante!¨ Lady yelled, struggling with getting the name out. ¨Don’t just stand there!¨

 

Dante snapped into action. He leaped and as he landed before Lady, he had already assumed Devil form. Dante picked her up, then almost dropped her as she winced. He looked her over as she rested bridal-style in his arms. The tangled mess of Dante’s mind tried to calculate how to be fast and gentle.

 

¨Just go!¨ Lady slapped him. Even in this state, she could put force behind the hit.

 

The calculations halted and Dante dashed towards the nearest house. The wind felt tangible at this speed. Lady hid her face and hunched against Dante. Despite Dante's tight grip, she needed to make an effort to not fall off.

 

They reached the house under a minute. Dante jumped and turned around in the air. With his back to it, he crashed through a window. Upon landing his clawed feet dug into the floorboards, forcing them into a abrupt halt. The wood beneath them got completely destroyed. They had flown into a living room. There was an old TV, couch and armchair with tacky flower patterns. Shelves were filled with worn books and the paintings were amateur-ish. The room opened up to a bigger space. Everything so mundane that it was insensitive to the current situation.

 

¨That’s going out of your paycheck,¨ Lady quipped, her eyes following Dante's trail of destruction.

 

Dante didn’t hear her. He was busy craning his neck around trying to find a damn phone.

 

¨Who’s there?!¨

 

Their client, an old man, balding, fat yet rife with muscles, jumped out from the other room with a shotgun. Fear of the devil seized him and in panic he fired a shot.

 

Dante turned around and the shrapnel bounced off his back.

 

¨It’s just us, Harrison,¨ said Lady, irritated yet civil.

 

Dante took his human form again and faced Mr Harrison. Mrs Harrison was peeking out from the corner of the wall.

 

¨Where’s the phone?¨ Dante’s delivery of the sentence was no different from a threat. Mr Harrison’s jaw was left hanging and his eyes almost popping out of his skull. Thank goodness, Mrs Harrison didn’t miss a beat.

 

¨This way!¨ She darted off. Dante followed her to the kitchen where Mrs Harrison dialed 911 immediately. She explained to the operator the situation and gave the address. Dante looked at her perplexed. How could she talk so calmly?

 

¨How she got injured?¨ Mrs Harrison repeated, confused. She looked to Lady and Dante for guidance.

 

¨A coyote attacked me,¨ Lady mumbled. Dante’s stomach flipped when he looked at her. All the color in her face was gone. Her eyes were fluttering, her clothes dripping with blood and her head limped down. Dante’s own pants had her blood on them.

 

¨Lay her on the table,¨ said Mr Harrison. He had a first aid-kit.

 

Not knowing it himself, Dante was unwilling to let Lady go. So he stood like a statue holding Lady.

 

¨Dante...!¨ Lady tapped his chest.

 

Dante shook his foggy head and laid Lady down. Mr Harrison handed Mrs Harrison a roll of bandage, and held a folded towel.

 

¨Hold her up,¨ Mrs Harrison said to Dante as she unfolded the bandage. Mr Harrison pressed the towel against Lady’s wound, making her hiss and tense up. Dante felt a jerk in his arm but avoided slapping Mr Harrison’s hand away. He did what he was told and gently raised Lady’s upper body. Mrs Harrison wrapped the bandage around Lady’s stomach and tied the towel tightly against the wound. How did they even know where it was? All Dante saw was dark red garments. God, he had to look away for some stupid reason.

 

Dante put Lady down. As if the blood wasn't enough, his stomach flipped when he saw her face. Her eyes were closed and she wasn’t moving. Before thinking it, his body had come to the worst conclusion. After an agonizing second he saw her chest rising and falling, and he remembered how to breathe. While staring at the reassuring movement of Lady’s breathing, Mr Harrison had brought a pile of pillows from the living room. As the professional devil hunter watched, the couple put a pile of pillows under Lady’s legs and a slightly shorter pile under her butt. She was lying diagonally, with her head down.

 

¨What are you doing?¨ Dante asked, fog still in his head.

 

Mrs Harrison gave Dante a weird look but answered. ¨It’s so the blood goes to her head.¨

 

¨Oh, right.¨ An exclamation point popped up amidst the fog and Dante felt like the biggest idiot. Tired, he rubbed his face with one hand, hoping to get back some coherency.

 

Mr Harrison pointed to a gun strapped on Lady’s thigh.

 

¨You should leave your weapons here.¨ He said. ¨You can’t bring them to the hospital after all.¨

 

Dante slowly nodded, then realized what Harrison was saying.

 

¨Uh, um, Mrs Harrison, you can… wait, no you can’t.¨ Mrs Harrison didn’t know where Lady had all her weapons nor how to take some of them off. Awkwardly Dante disarmed Lady and he prayed she wouldn’t wake up as he did it. Quick and cautious, he avoided any sensitive areas. The Harrisons looked alarmed at the amount of firepower this one woman was packing.

 

When the ambulance arrived, Dante’s first instinct was to yell at them for being too slow. The two medics gave him no chance as they rushed in with the stretcher. Only the necessary questions were asked, and almost all of them were answered by the Harrisons. Dante felt sidelined as Lady was swiftly brought into the ambulance.

 

¨Are you family?¨ A medic asked.

 

¨Huh? No.¨ Dante blurted out, immediately regretting it. The medic left without a word and jumped into the van.

 

¨Wait! No!¨ Dante stopped the door before it closed. ¨I’m the closest thing to a family she got.¨

 

The sincerity persuaded the medic and they let Dante on-board.

 

Dante was shoved onto a seat in the back. He barely saw Lady, mostly the backs of the medics. The ambulance was shaking and bumbling, but didn’t seem to have an affect on them. Their concentration, certainty, quick and precise movements; it was reminiscent of Dante’s actions in battle.

 

A few minutes into the car ride and Dante noticed his raised shoulders. He was on the edge of his seat and leaning ever so slightly forward. The posture drained even more energy from him. With a deep sigh he slumped back and gathered himself. Lady was going to be fine. The lack of distress from the medics confirmed that. Dante was being ridiculous. Of course everything was going to be fine. Even Temin-Ni-Gru couldn’t kill her. She’s The Indestructible Human Devil Hunter.

 

Once at the hospital Dante was left in the waiting room. Red coat, no shirt, Lady's blood all over him; he intimidated the people who were there. For once something normal. There was a row of unoccupied chairs. Back in his element as the only odd thing in the room, he laid down across them, putting his hands beneath his head. Whether or not he slept was debatable. It was very much his intention to but his subconscious had been chanting the phrase ¨Indestructible Human Devil Hunter¨ to calm his nerves. However, a nurse had managed to appear during the time it took for him to blink.

 

¨Your friend is stable.¨ The nurse said. Dante jumped up, causing her to stumble back.

 

¨Sweet, where is she?¨ Dante’s voice was normal again, if not a big eager.

 

¨She’s resting up in one of our rooms. We want to monitor her for a few days to see if she contracted any disease.¨

 

Oh right, a ¨coyote¨ bit her.

 

¨What’s her full name and address?¨ asked the nurse.

 

¨Eh.¨ What would make Lady more angry? His incompetence when she was bleeding out or giving away her legal name? And which address? The motel she stayed at? Her P.O. box?

 

After an awkward moment Dante said Lady’s name and gave Devil May Cry’s address. If he acted like he didn’t know her name they might not let him see her.

 

¨Is there someone we should contact? Spouse, family?¨

 

¨No, it’s good. It’s… It’s just me.¨ Lady was going to kick Dante’s ass for saying that, making her look pathetic.

 

Wait; the only reason he’s in the ¨family¨ spot is because he was present. Sure, they’ve gone through some stuff together, but would Dante really be someone Lady would contact? There must’ve been someone else she’d call. A friend, a girlfriend, a distant relative? Lady was far too charming to have Dante as her closest person.

 

Dante’s mind twisted itself with these thoughts as the nurse lead him to Lady’s room. The room was brightly lit despite its occupant being asleep. Lady seemed to have regained some color to her skin and her breathing was stable. As the nurse left Dante he realized how awkward it was. Mouth slightly open, quiet breathing, body still and defenseless. Like a creep he stood there and watched her sleep. Him sitting by Lady’s bedside and staring at her wouldn’t do her any good.

 

Dante left to retrieve their weapons and payment. Exiting the hospital making him able to breathe properly.

 

\--

 

Lady stared at the ceiling, disgruntled. She didn’t look around, for that would piss her off even more. A complete idiot, an incompetent fool was what she was. The sight of the hospital room bore witness to that. Lady squeezed her eyes shut in humiliation, pressing her hands against her eyelids. Maybe if she groaned long enough and kept her eyes closed she’d wake up in her motel room. Didn’t happen. Lady steadied the lump of embarrassment in her stomach and looked for the nurse button. She found a note on her bedside table and folded clothes. The messy handwriting gave away the sender.

 

_Kalina Ann and her kids are at my place. The dough is ready too._

 

Lady cracked a smile. Dante knew how to be efficient when it mattered.

 

A nurse and a doctor arrived. The usual procedures followed and Lady hastened through them. They were impressed by her quick recovery. Nothing in her behavior or movement hinted about her giant wound. All the swarming medical questions were either hand waved away, met with a ¨no, no¨ or a ¨yeah, yeah¨. When the doctor said she wanted Lady to stay a bit longer Lady was already heading to the bathroom with her clothes.

 

¨No thanks, doctor.¨ She said and closed the door behind her.

 

It always happened that Lady stared at her body in the mirror. She couldn’t help it. It was a beautiful one, but not very woman-like. Injuries had made the skin thicker, muscles were visible even without flexing, scars were littered like brushstrokes, her breasts being average size didn’t help her lack of femininity. But what actually caught her attention was above her belly button. Stretching from the center to her right, was a thick suture. Lady traced it with her fingers, rolled her head back and groaned. As if it wasn’t difficult enough to get a date. Lady wanted to smack herself for thinking that. Dates weren’t a part of her life, they shouldn’t and never will be. Remarking that she was getting too thin, she finally tore herself from the mirror.

 

It had proven convenient to keep spare clothes at Devil May Cry, and this was one example why. Dante had brought a dark green t-shirt, jeans and a jacket. He was a true bro and had had the guts to bring underwear as well. Unfortunately Lady would have to deal with her bloody boots. Finally she could leave. Balancing politeness and speed, Lady checked out of the hospital and called a cab. She deserved some comfort and the shaking of a bus would not do her stitches well.

 

\--

 

_Morrison stood in front of Dante’s desk, with a paper containing information about a job._

 

_¨Hey, Morrison! Get Lady, she’ll be good to have on this job.¨_

 

_¨Dante, Lady isn’t with us.¨_

 

_¨What?¨_

 

_Dante turned around and saw Nell._

 

_¨Nell, you’ve seen Lady around?¨_

 

_¨How many times do I have to tell you, Dante? She’s not with us.¨_

 

_Morrison and Nell walked away from him. Like something holding his tongue in place, Dante couldn’t protest what they said._

 

A hit and a creak. ¨CRAP!¨ Dante exclaimed as he fell backwards. Thanks to his reflexes he leaned forward and the chair landed on its front legs. His legs ached for being outstretched and balancing him against the table for hours. Lady was towering over him, with a smug smile.

 

¨You that tired, huh?¨ She said.

 

¨How’d you get in here?¨ Asked Dante. ¨Wait, how are you out of the hospital?¨

 

¨I drink demon blood so I heal on my own.¨ Lady said deadpan and leaned against the desk. ¨And you forgot to lock the door.¨

 

Dante looked at the door and tried to remember last night. Yeah, he had forgotten. He blacked out as soon as he reached the chair.

 

¨Thanks for getting Kalina Ann.¨ Lady looked at her rpg and guns that laid on Dante’s couch.

 

¨Yeah.¨ Dante handed her an envelope full of cash that had been on the desk. Lady took it, eyes heavy.

 

¨What?¨ Dante asked.

 

¨I’m giving back my share.¨ Lady sighed and put the envelope away.

 

¨Why?¨

 

¨I promised them professional work.¨ She walked away from the desk.

 

¨It was just a slip-up! And I took care of the window.¨

 

¨Unlike half-demons, slip-ups kill people.¨ Lady landed on the couch and grabbed Kalina Ann to inspect it.

 

¨You knew you weren’t gonna die.¨

 

Lady stopped for a beat. ¨What makes you think that?¨ She asked.

 

Dante was taken aback, having not thought about his thoughts. ¨You were so calm.¨

 

Lady burst into laughter, the sound filling the cold agency.

 

¨I had to be calm or else a certain idiot would’ve gotten me killed cause he couldn’t remember the number 911.¨

 

Dante’s cheeks heated up.

 

¨Is that how you show thanks?¨ He said, irritated.

 

Lady calmed her laughter down. She leaned back and sighed, eyes looking at nothing.

 

¨I couldn’t die during this job.¨ She said, mellow. ¨I just bought a new record and haven’t listened through it yet.¨

 

Dante went through Lady’s words.

¨Is...Wait,¨ a bit more thinking had to be done on Dante’s part, ¨is that your reason for living now? A record?¨

 

Lady laughed again, now nervously.

 

¨No, of course not- it’s just- what else-¨ She stumbled on her words. ¨Of course not.¨ She waved the thing off. ¨But you know, if I die I die. That’s usually okay but not when my favorite artist releases new music.¨

 

¨Would I be notified?¨

 

¨Huh?¨ Said Lady.

 

¨Would I be one of the people the cops would notify if you died?¨

 

¨Hm.¨ Lady lightly scratched the surface of Kalina Ann. ¨I don’t know.¨

 

¨Who would they notify?¨

 

¨Who would they notify in your case?¨

 

¨That’ll never happen.¨

 

¨Guess not.¨

 

Silence took the room. The ceiling fan gave away a faint whooshing and cars drove past. A thick, contemplative atmosphere weighed down on the two. An imaginary clock ticked the seconds away. Lady stared a hole into Kalina Ann and Dante’s vision got out of focus.

 

Finally disrupting it all was a snort from Dante.

 

¨What?¨ Asked Lady.

 

¨I didn’t know you were so pathetic.¨ Dante sneered.

 

¨What?¨ Lady said with offended chuckles.

 

¨How alone can you be if I’m the only one the police will notify?¨

 

Lady gave a uproarious laugh, agreeing on the sentiment.

 

¨How alone must you be if the police won’t notify anyone?¨ She wasn’t going down alone.

 

¨You spend your nights with Kalina Ann instead of an actual woman!¨

 

¨You only breathe fresh air when you get dragged outside on a job!¨

 

¨Your friggin reason for living is an album!¨

 

¨At least I have the option of dying!¨

 

They both shut their mouths after Lady’s last statement. They stared at each other, scared they had stepped over a boundary. The two same questions occupied their minds. ¨Do they want to die?¨ Warning signs blared and they wondered if comfort was needed and who needed it.

 

Dante cracked a smile and Lady choked a chuckle. A cacophony of laughter blew out and the two had to reel in. ¨Ow¨ melded itself with Lady’s laughter and her wound ached significantly. Dante felt tears welling up and inability to breathe properly. The two idiots, neither suicidal nor living, processed their nihilism like this. Not with a bitter glass of alcohol or a curse at life, merely appreciating its comedic value. The laughter fizzled out. Lady, curled up on the couch and Dante, cheek flat on the desk. Contemplation took over again, but this time lighter. Not necessarily hopeful, but amusing at least.

 

When the wing-mirror on your car is broken you can do a few things. Take your tool box out and fix it, maybe with a bit of help from a friend. Better yet you can take it to a mechanic. Or, you can do like Dante and Lady, and wrap that shit up in duct tape.

 

¨I wanna listen to that album now.¨ Said Lady.

 

¨Bring it here, I’ve got better speakers.¨ Said Dante. ¨I’ll order pizza.¨

 

¨Yeah, sure.¨

 

Despite the inevitability of it breaking, some duct tape is cozy enough to fool you.

**Author's Note:**

> I really love the friendship between Lady and Dante and I need more of it. I can appreciate them as a ship but I think in my own writing I like them as friends.
> 
> They're not the type to openly discuss their feelings but at times their inner thoughts do slip out. Neither knows how to deal with their emotional problems but they have each other.
> 
> One year ago they both lost and gained a family member.


End file.
